Wednesday, December 23, 2009

This is not my Merry Christmas post

A lot has happened in the last few days. Maybe even the last few weeks... The last few months have been a blur and I was hoping to have the time to blog more so I could reflect on everything that has been happening. But it's almost Christmas Eve, and of course nobody is calling so I will write away.

Update on Ryan: He's driving me crazy! ... But I love him. He can now remember my age, and Jayden's date of birth without guessing. It's amazing watching his brain heal. However there are still issues with short term memory. And if he can't remember something I said, he makes it up. And that... THAT is what is making me crazy. He tells me these things I told him, because it can't remember what I actually told him, and remembers his "inventions?" as facts. He is teaching me patience :) I know it's frustrating for him. And I know he'll get better with time!!! :)

For weeks now Jayden has been waking up 3-4 times a night with asthma attacks. I had him on a children's singular that his Doctor recommended, and it worked... BUT I noticed he was acting really strangely when he took it. I researched online and apparently it has been known to cause some pretty serious mood changes to little guys. As soon as I found that out I stopped giving it to him and we are up for hours at night. Why for hours? Because when he has an asthma attack he needs an inhaler which contains the steroid albuterol. Albuterol causes increased heart rate and general hyperness which makes it pretty much impossible for him to sleep. I'm not sure what triggers these asthma attacks. We think maybe the cats... It would break my heart if they're the cause because they are like family to me. These attacks usually only happen at night. I hate giving him so much medicine. I hate taking medicine myself and giving so much stuff to a little guy breaks my heart... but it's the only thing that can calm him down. I have been trying different natural methods. Someone told me to massage him and try to relax him and it might help his airways open up on their own?? I bought some organic honey since that was suggested on some website... They also suggested banana covered in peppercorn... don't think he'll let me give him that!! It has been such a stress- I have been blessed to have been in training so I didn't have to find ways to get off work in order to care for him (My training was from 1-7pm .. instead of my typical grave hours).

Speaking of training and work... There is something to mention on that aspect. I finished training and last weekend we were dealing with the storm in the Northeast. Cancelling everyone's flights right before Christmas... mandatory overtime... Undisclosed airline calling my house at THREE IN THE MORNING telling me to sign up for overtime. Customers were MAD. And they were of course taking it out on me.. Because Reservationists are the frontline. We get to take the crap when an automated system calls them at 3 AM and tells them to calls us.
I think I mentioned before that I haven't "cracked" so to speak since everything happened with Ryan. Well Sunday I cracked. People were yelling at me. Calling me names.. blaming me for the weather in the northeast... Jayden woke up and Ryan couldn't comfort him so he was screaming downstairs. I was working from home but any way to get time off was blocked to reservationists because of the storm. I have kept a squeaky clean record working for this airline. Never missed a shift, never been late. I'm a rule keeper. Not that night. I signed off the phones and I didn't get back on.
I was done. For years (3 to be exact) I have wanted to quit. We needed the extra money... we had flight benefits (we didn't use)... sure people blamed me for the fares being to high... sure the only time I could work was when Jayden sleeps since he's such a mama's boy Ryan can't put him to sleep, and if he knows Im home he'll bang at the door and scream... I had to deal with it. People asked me how I worked graves with a baby. I don't know. The nights I worked I was a zombie the next day. I wasn't patient, I didn't want to do anything, and didn't have the energy to do anything even if I wanted to.
I told Ryan I couldn't do it anymore... bad timing, right?? I know. After logging off I was up all night sobbing. Could I quit? Would our family suffer if I quit? Could I deal with the hours and the mandatory overtime coming up. Could I deal with the emotional stress? I prayed.. and was probably too tired to get an answer. But a couple of days later I got an answer. And I gave my two weeks notice.
I am SO relieved and scared to death. I've applied to a job (thanks Mal) to work from home (and not deal with customer service). I haven't heard anything... Ryan will be going back to work the first the the year... And I'll be out of work. I'm not sure how that's going to work. But I have faith that something will work out. I'll let you know :) I've been worried about how people will look at me for making this decision. Especially given our current circumstance. All I can say is right now, it feels like the right thing to do.

Today (well- it's 12:02a.m. so technically YESTERDAY) was a rough night. Jayden somehow got a hold of some M&Ms and swallowed them whole. They have milk in them, but since he didn't chew on them I couldn't see an allergic reaction on his face. A half hour later he was barfing everything EVERYWHERE. I cannot even believe how much stuff came back out. His tummy isn't that big!! While Ryan was cleaning up the throw up and I was cleaning Jayden up I started to smell smoke. Apparently a burning log had fallen out of the fireplace... LUCKILY we caught it in time, and the only damage is a towel with a few holes in it now. Heavenly Father is looking out for us.

I'll end this novel- and write my "Merry Chritmas" post now :)


Amy said...

Congrats! and I'm so sorry (for all the stress and hard stuff). If it feels right, it's right. And it will work out. Maybe not how you think or imagine or wish, but it will work out in the most perfect way possible.

Keep us posted!

Shane and Linda said...

If it feels right it can't be wrong! The Lord wants you to be able to care for your family and he will provide! Besides, you could use a little (or a lot) less stress in your life :)

Chris and Tara said...

Ditto to everything they said. Holy moly about the log falling out of the fire. That's a little random. Hope you had a great Christmas!

Kristen and Tyson Cramer said...

Man! Heavenly Father must be preparing you guys for something big later on to put you through such a refiners fire. If Heavenly father says quitting your job is good, then it is. That will be so nice for you to be able to focus on taking care of your family without having to stay up all night working.

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